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Aug. 6th, 2008 | 10:23 am
mood: indescribableindescribable

This is an example of seriously over the top satire written about members of the Hellenic community, and I'm happy to say that we (myself and various others in the Hellenic community) are far, far too mature for this.

I am sharing only because I really think people should know that this sorta stuff is being written, and this is an example of a level we really shouldn't be stooping to.

I am not saying where I found it posted because I'm above that sort of thing. I am not one to be a tattletale.




It was three o'clock in the a.m.; any normal person would have been in bed -- but not Tim Alexander. He was no ordinary person — he just knew that somewhere, on the Internet, NeoPagans were infiltrating Recon communities, and that this had to be stopped. No-one else was fit enough for this task; he had to go alone.

But first, he needed coffee.

His wife, who had been out working all day while Tim was on the Internet yelling at NeoPagans, had understandably forgotten to get a new can of Foldger's. He made a mental note to yell at her and smack her around like an Athenian noble when he returned from Starbuck's; there was a 24-hour Starbuck's by him, and they had free wireless, so he could bring his laptop. Those damned dirty NeoPagans should not be spared a moment of Tim's awesome mind.

He was really getting into it when this one guy on the forum finally said something Recon Enough.

Could it be? Were there truly others out there? Surely he couldn't have been the only one?

Little Timmy started to stir in Mr Alexander's sweatpants, (the ones what didn't have the hole in the crotch that his wife burned in them when she realised one day that Tim wasn't the awesome Dominant that he wanted her to believe he was — thankfully for her, he believed her when she said it was an accident).

"Oh man!" thought Tim. "This man is so Recon that I'm starting to get a little bi. At least I hope it's really a guy, and not some woman or Tranny -- then I'd be even MORE Recon!"

As Tim looked away from the computer for a moment, his glance caught that of another man's at Starbuck's. While he normally didn't go for that mystical honkeiness, he decided to chance it this one time — what's the worst that could happen?

He got up and walked over to the other guy, who was at HIS laptop, as well.

"Hi, I'm Tim."

"Tim Alexander?"

"Why.... YES!"

"I forget what handle I'm using on this list right now, but I'm Robin Artisson. I'm honoured to make your acquaintence."

"THE Robin Artisson?? The scourge of NeoPagans everywhere?"

Robin blushed. "Oh, I'm not that great."

As the two left together, Tim was overcome with lust, and wound up coaxing Artisson into an alleyway. The two started making out like Athenian schoolboys.

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Comments {63}

Daeron Runesmith

*no subject*

from: daeron
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 02:37 pm (UTC)
Link

TOO DAMN FUNNY. Yes, I'm sharing. Won't post directly to lists (wouldn't be appropriate), but emailing folks from some lists who were involved in a... um... discussion (that's a good word) about Tim last month.

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:37 pm (UTC)
Link


Yeah, it was really funny. People I don't know or care about are writing smack about me and some other guy I don't know or care about. If you think this is funny, I submit that you need to get a girlfriend or a job.

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Daeron Runesmith

*no subject*

from: daeron
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
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I have a job. A girlfriend would, however, be inappropriate for me :-)

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
Link


Okay, I submit again: you need a girlfriend. Because it's a win-win situation for me, however you go, whatever the combination. Look:

Situation 1: You are a straight guy
Outcome: You are distracted from teh online dramas with fine heterosexual frolicking

Situation 2: You are a gay guy
Outcome: The hot girlfriend you should have no trouble attracting may "convert" you to being straight, after which you will be distracted from teh online dramas with fine heterosexual frolicking

Situation 3: You are a straight girl
Outcome: Awesome!

Situation 4: You are a gay girl
Outcome: Awesome! (if you are pretty and feminine) or Ohmydeargods (If you are the butchy type) and you are distracted (either way) from teh internet dramas by your partner.

Go forth. Get a girl.

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Daeron Runesmith

*no subject*

from: daeron
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 02:51 am (UTC)
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lets see...

Situation 1: Um... no. Been there, tried that.. not for me.

Situation 2: Yep. This is me. Girls have tried. They have failed. On the other hand, I have "converted" a couple of "straight" guys to my side of the street.

Situation 3: Hrm... that could be interesting, given the number of straight guys I'm interested in. Lemme know if you work out a way for that to happen.

Situation 4: Uh, no. That'd end up with me being with girls again. So... no.

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 04:00 am (UTC)
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You simply aren't getting it. I don't even begin to care what your actual sexual orientation is. You are a heterosexual man in my mind, or better yet, a hot straight chick that happens to dig other chicks. Deal with it.

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Ruadhan J McElroy

*no subject*

from: newdance
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 01:17 pm (UTC)
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:-D

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Ruadhan J McElroy

*no subject*

from: newdance
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 01:15 pm (UTC)
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Situation one: Robin, you're a gimp.

Situation 2: Robin, suck my cock.

Situation 3: Robin, suck my cock.

Situation 4a: Robin, suck my cock.

Situation 4b: Robin, you need to be beaten with a sock full of quarters. And then suck my cock.

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Daeron Runesmith

*no subject*

from: daeron
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 01:35 pm (UTC)
Link

Excellent Icon :-)

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Lady Kira

*no subject*

from: scentofkether
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
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That is so mean ... and more'n a little homophobic.

That said, I've seen very similar satires in many other communities. I in fact once left a community because this sort of thing was becoming the dominant topic, exceeding by far the number of on-topic posts.

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Lorele Phoenixjade

*no subject*

from: lorele
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 03:31 pm (UTC)
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Oh, good lord. I've heard this name, but I still don't know jack about him. I didn't know people wrote slash about nearly-unknown fundamentalists. Then again, I guess creative writing knows no bounds. Still... Wow. It's also a bit small-minded to narrow one's focus in such a way... but it fits satire (satyr?) in a Dionysian way...

Honestly, I didn't care to hear a whole discussion about him and the problems he was causing for people online. After a few days of people adding their gossip in, I sent out a post which I titled "The Beginning and End of Drama" (a little hark back to the Alpha and the Omega)...

"Black Word", as I've heard it termed, entails discussion of the past, gossip, and demeaning other people. Even I get tired of it, once I've vented my own frustrations. I haven't ever been a subject of this person, probably because I'm simply not a prolific target... I think that's a good thing. From what I hear, he's troll-like in his ways, and fundamentalist in his views. :-\

The end.

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:36 pm (UTC)
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You seem to think you know me well enough to call me "fundamentalist". Maybe you should actually get to know someone before you label them, and decide for yourself. Your awesome ability to let online trolls tell you what to think about others makes you well suited (I'd say) to either the Assembly of God or Southern Baptism- they let others tell them what to think, too.

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Athanasios

*no subject*

from: athanasios
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
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Having dealt with Robin Artisson on more than one front I found this too funny for words.

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
Link


Yeah, Athanasios, I remember our dealings all too well. You single-handedly revealed to me the true nature of the pseudo-Druidism that you and Greer invented. Too bad, too- I loved some of his books. He should have stuck to Golden Dawn stuff, and you should have stuck to anonymity.

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le musée interdit

*no subject*

from: romulus214
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 08:19 pm (UTC)
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NICE!!!!!

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:41 pm (UTC)
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Oh Kyrene, come on: you wanted me to see this. I guess I'd have enjoyed it more if I knew who Tim Alexander was. And tell the followers of Sannion that I don't own a laptop. I truly would be the scourge of the internet if I did. No, I'm too busy these days helping my clients to save their children from being placed in secure care, and raising my own children- y'know, living life, having kids, actually holding a job that helps other human beings, things that my detractors know little about.

But on a tangential note, I don't believe that anyone can really claim to be "recon" to the fullest extent until they have experienced family life and placed the Old Religions into the context that they were born in: the context of bonds between families, clans, and kin-groups. "Childless women" wrote the "CR FAQ" that some of the more foolish people I know pant about; Most of the "big names" in your Hellenic Field are huge immature piss-pots who haven't joined the adult world yet, and well, let's face it: many Asatruar are viking wannabes that still live in mom's basement. A sad state of affairs, really.

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Kyrene

*no subject*

from: kyrene_myste
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
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Completely and wholeheartedly agreed. To say anymore would detract from the wisdom of your comments.

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Kyrene

*no subject*

from: kyrene_myste
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 10:59 pm (UTC)
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PS And c'mon, we all know you're not a fundie. THAT was funny!

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:08 pm (UTC)
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"Fundy" is an interesting label. It really does mean different things to different people.

If by "Fundy" you mean a person who

1. Refuses to listen to alternative perspectives
2. Wishes everyone to change their belief-system to come into full alignment with one's own

and

3. Is usually lacking in formal education

Then no, I'm not a fundy. I love to hear alternative perspectives, I am almost phobic of people coming into my religious world (I take a quality over quantity approach, and newbies are 90% of the time disasters) and I have finally reached the critical mass of over-educated. My collection of MA's has gone to Guinness Book proportions. Educationally speaking, I'm golden. But education isn't the end-all be-all of human life; it's all just tools for self-discovery; and people in the past without any such labels and certificates were more than able (in their own way) to discover the truths about life we all seek to find. Advanced education today is mere expediency.

Now, if by "Fundy" you mean

1. A person who puts religion and spirituality primary in their life
2. A person who has a strong moral sense and a strong system of morality born in religious themes

and

3. A person who isn't afraid to hold beliefs that are at odds with the fluffs and the "Politically Correct" moron brigade,

Then, Yes, I am proudly a Fundy. Let the heavens shake and fall; let the earth open and swallow us all; let the sea break it's boundaries and wash away every trace of us: I will still die believing what I believe, because my Gods have set my feet on my path. And I only answer to them, my ancestors, and my own conscience. And of these three authorities, conscience is primary, my ancestors second, and the Gods third.

Was it funny? No, I didn't find it funny, because like I said: I don't know Tim Alexander. But- it does reveal something telling: even the people that are "too good" for the likes of me, and "far superior" to me, seem to spend a lot of time talking about me, even years after I ceased speaking with them. They may not see it, but it is a species of power. I'm in their minds, but they aren't in mine. My nasty, grinning fetch haunts their tiny, tidy little minds.

Guess I said something to them years ago they couldn't live with- and instead of doing what people of wisdom and honor do- facing up to what it was that I said that bothered them so, they redirect the task and take to mocking others. Great minds, they say, talk about ideas. Average minds talk about events. And mediocre minds talk about others.

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Kyrene

*no subject*

from: kyrene_myste
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC)
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You said it! It takes a lot to see the truth behind it all.

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Lorele Phoenixjade

*no subject*

from: lorele
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Link

I apologize for not being so clear (and possibly fouling the water) with my use of a loaded word.

When I use the word "fundamentalist", I refer to one who goes back to the "fundamentals" of a religion. By going back to original texts (as best as is possible, in the case of some religions whose texts have been destroyed or lost in the sands of time), and interpreting the intention as closely as possible to the original, one then believes in such "fundamental" and in a sense, basic tenets of a religion.

In my own view, which is not wholly dedicated to such rigor (not to say that such rigor and discipline is not a virtue in itself), I see the concept of reconstructionism (sp?) in its purest form as a sort of "going back to fundamentals", which earns the title. Admittedly, such a word is loaded, due to the many contexts with which it is flung around. In some religions, fundamentalism is just fine; in other religions, it often results in horrible misinterpretations; take the people who quote Leviticus; this text was intended for a specific group, who were attempting to survive in a sort of clan-like mentality while wandering around the deserts and harsh regions of the middle east regions. Misinterpretation and blind interpretation (without context) constitute the worst of fundamentalist. The secondary worst problem I see in this sense, is when it creates a schism between "classical" and "modern" worship; and the varying definitions and attempts to categorize things cleanly.

I agree with the stance you take about talking about ideas, events, and people. I recall this quote, and I think it is a valuable asset to remind us what is more important. It is not the people, but the worship -- and the Gods themselves.

I also hope you forgive my demi-blind comment; I tend to say things before I really think about how it will affect someone. I didn't intend to cause offense, and I hope you understand. I dislike seeing anyone bash anyone else -- in nearly every form.

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Robin Artisson

*no subject*

from: owl_clan
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC)
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Well said. And no hard feelings.

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Kyrene

*no subject*

from: kyrene_myste
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC)
Link

lorele's good folk. I know him personally. While he sometimes suffers from open-mouth-insert-foot like I do (actually I'm worse but I express myself in a WAY more fiery way than he does), he's also a very thoughtful and sensitive individual.

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Lorele Phoenixjade

*no subject*

from: lorele
date: Aug. 7th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
Link

For lack of a better way to say it:

Namaste.

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Ruadhan J McElroy

*no subject*

from: newdance
date: Aug. 6th, 2008 11:30 pm (UTC)
Link

The two started making out like Athenian schoolboys.

This line is an insult to Athenian schoolboys everywhere.

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